And I mean that in the nicest possible way. Seriously though, nobody will ever appreciate you, at least, not in the way you imagine you should be appreciated.
I am a strong advocate for appreciation. It can be the best thing, or it can be the worst. You can get pretty much anywhere in life with appreciation. The phrase, “I appreciate you,” or, “I appreciate all of the hard work you are doing,” is a great tactic for motivation, support and it encourages people to work to be the best they can be. But, when individuals expectations of appreciation do not align with your use of appreciation, it can be extremely detrimental to both parties.
Let me explain this further in terms of personal life choices. We all make choices throughout our life. Conscious, thought out, and necessary choices. When I was eighteen, I made the conscious choice to work retail. I made this choice on a variety of different factors as I assume every level-headed, semi-rational, eighteen year old girl would. Factors included the following: I needed to put gas in my car, food in my mouth, and have spending money for when I want to go out. I went into my first “job” knowing that some days it would be extremely rewarding, while others would be thankless and exhausting. Every job has its ups and downs, arguably retail has a lot of downs. I also had realistic expectations of appreciation. I knew that the customers would more than likely not appreciate me all of the time, and I also expected to receive some sort of appreciation from my boss regarding my effort and work ethic. For the most part my expectation of appreciation aligned with its outcome.
Now, lets look at the flip side as to how this could have turned out. I could have gone into this job thinking that each customer is going to love everything I do for them and outwardly express his or her gratitude. Same goes for my boss. As stated, that was not the outcome – some customers loved me, others wanted nothing to do with me. Some days my boss appreciated it when I went above and beyond, other days it went unnoticed. However, if I woke up every single morning expecting this kind of appreciation, you can imagine just how sad I would end up at the end of each shift – left with a deprecating sense of self worth and bruised ego.
Appreciation is not something I personally expect, moreover it makes it that much more rewarding when I receive it.
There are people that wake up each morning and believe that they should be made to feel appreciated for their choices. I once heard a story about a man who was in the military. He spent time overseas and when he came back home to civilian life, the expectations of the level of appreciation he thought he should receive did not align with reality. It was mentioned that he only felt appreciated on holidays that commemorated soldiers. Unless you are walking around in your uniform, or some sort of attire that indicates your service to our freedom, you cannot expect people to automatically assume you are in the military, nor can you expect that all people share the same feelings as you. Making assumptions about the sender or receiver of a message can really play into your sense of self worth. When expectation levels of appreciation for our personal choices differs, it can leave you feeling empty. When you understand your company and the individuals that are giving you praise, it helps you to better understand exactly what appreciation means. The sender and receiver of messages rarely comprehend “appreciation” the same. One person may only give appreciation every so often, however their body language may indicate that they are pleased with your work. Whereas other people may praise you all of the time leaving you feeling appreciated, but may not always mean it.
Pay attention to cues, understand who is giving praise, how, and when – make a mental note of this and also try to discern how they like to be appreciated for when it’s your turn to reciprocate. And please, please, do not expect to be appreciated every single day, for everything you do – that will not end well for anyone.
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